I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
