Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
