he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize