my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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