i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
