Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
