did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
