the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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