I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
