She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
