found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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