why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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