were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
