But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
