I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just had sex bonerless
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
