I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
