i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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