I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
