No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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