we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
