just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
