I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
