She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize