Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
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