My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
