How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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