having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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