Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
