they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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