She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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