Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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