I murdered the dance floor call the cops
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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