I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
