Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
