I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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