Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You made out with two different species that night
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
