come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Damn victory sex feels great
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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