You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It's never too late to be topless.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm sobbing to NWA
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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