The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize