She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I looked at my own cervix.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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