Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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