Just fell off a train. Bad.
my being single is dangerous.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
