I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
