You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize