hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
