I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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