i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
