3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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