the condom got lost in my hair
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
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