I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize