he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
