Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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