There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
