I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
