Pants 0. Shit 1.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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