??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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