Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
