Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
