How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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