She said her name was "party"
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
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