3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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