Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
