I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
