I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
