I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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