UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
