I think my vagina is haunted
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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