Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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