I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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