Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
