check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
