I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
