shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I think a kid would responsible me up
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
